In the midst of conflict, we want to be right. When Jason and Judy separated, Judy insisted Jason’s work-related distractions were the reason the marriage failed. Jason blamed Judy’s constant nagging as the culprit, and claimed she was emotionally unstable. Both believed their children were suffering, and both believed they were right. Sometimes being right feels so important that we lose sight of reason, hijacked by reactions triggered by the threat of loss and safety.

As a divorce attorney, my emphasis is on resolving the big issues a couple faces when splitting up: Spousal support, child support, custody, parenting plans. The end goal is to have a legal judgment or agreement spelling out everything known at the time. Although this is the “end goal,” for many couples having the signed judgment does not always signify the true end of their involvement in the legal process.

Tina, tears running down her face, sat next to her mother in my office. Earlier that week her husband Frank had transferred their joint checking accounts into his name alone, blocked her use of the credit cards and locked her out of the family home. Then the day before, Frank took their two young children to California, threatening never to return them.

I meet regularly with clients who are just beginning to contemplate divorce, and clients who have been contemplating divorce for months or even years. One may have already moved, opened his own accounts and told his spouse he is filing for divorce. Another client may have told no one but a best friend that her marriage is in trouble.

Mention the word divorce and images of heated courtroom battles come to mind: lawyers butchering issues, cutting deals, and bargaining away the things that matter most. You may fear that divorce would bankrupt you, give you a nervous breakdown, or both. The truth? Divorce is often a painful transition that is personal and unique for each individual. This juncture may be a great burden finally lifted; it may also be the loss of a dream and full of seemingly bottomless grief...